It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
