I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
