she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
birth control should be required to get into college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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