Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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