I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
