Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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