I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
