My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
