it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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