I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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