ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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