I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
