I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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