We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
