I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
