Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
