Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize