The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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