Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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