Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
