you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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