it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
