you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
