Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
NoShamevember. You game?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
