anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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