the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
