So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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