Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
