Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
