So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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