Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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