The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
