I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
