mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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