Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
