sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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