OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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