I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
