I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
