watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just high enough for therapy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
