I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
