I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
