Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
