ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
