At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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