every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
