Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
