Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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