Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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