i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
